Is no news really good news???
So……………….
………………….waiting to hear back on two (bigger) items in my life.
A) whether or not I passed the Canadian Registered Nursing Exam aka the CRNE, which I wrote on October 6 of this year….results were mailed out Monday, so I will likely find out Monday 🙂
B) whether or not Sandy Lu, Literary Agent at the L. Perkins Lit Agency in NY, NY, is going to represent a certain project I have written.
I am patient, and resolve that time will tell, and that quite possibly both items will be relayed to me with positive outcomes.
Still the wait for both items is a little nerve wracking.
Both of them have great ability to influence the rest of my nursing career and my writing career.
Additionally, the anxiety about whether or not I have passed the CRNE has given me the occasional bout of indigestion and (admittedly) a few sleepless nights. What if I have to write it again? What will my boss think of me if I have failed my first attempt? How little of the CRNE did I actually know or not know? I’ve always done well on written exams….but this one, it’s a toughy. I really am really on the fence about how well I did.
Some days, I feel utterly confident and relatively carefree.
Other days, I feel as though there is an element of impending doom on the horizon, waiting to prove that I am a fool among the brilliant people I work with!
Oh woe is me, woe is me —- no news is NOT good news.
I am, for the most part, a patient sort of creature.
I do not throw tantrums when I can’t find the remote (probably because I habitually keep it in the same place), and I like to engage in little word games and create-a-story exercises when I am i.e. waiting in line in grocery stores.
Yet waiting for the outcome of this exam? ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!!
I kid you not!!!!
And as for waiting to hear back from Ms. Lu….I’m not too terribly perturbed about that, because while she is reading one of my projects, I have many on the go that I feel have great merit, and many that I have jotted notes for — and not even steeped myself in the process of writing these gems yet — because the timing has not been right to write.
No I have not lost my mind, I’ve found that there’s a bit of timing, focus, wavelength, mindframe/frame-of-mind and setting/surrounding/ambiance that is necessary to write certain tales………they will begin to inspire me more, and begin to actually even “write themselves” when the time is right.
And besides, Ms. Lu is a busy woman in a career where busy people like her may juggle hundreds of projects at a time. If my project hasn’t shone through the slush pile as something worthy of her greatest efforts, then i predict that I will be receiving a polite rejection letter in due time…..
If she likes it, but thinks it needs revising and resubmission, then that is what a semi-rejection-rejection letter will say.
Then there is the ULTIMATE prize for a writer seeking representation by an agent: the letter outlining the next steps to enter into contractual obligation for representation by the agent, or the SUPREME ULTIMATE prize — an actual contract for publication.
There are variations, of course. After careful consideration, she could always suggest that she doesn’t handle these kinds of projects, and refer me to a different agent.
Ah, so many different ways that i could receive news about the project.
Interestingly enough, that anxiety is FAR more pleasant than the whole CRNE self-torment.
*sigh*
Does anyone out there understand?
Then again, i really should count my blessings. Some people are waiting for news with life-or-death outcomes, i.e. the results of an HIV test, or to see how far the cancer has spread through their lymphatic system. Then there are paternity tests (who’s the baby daddy), and all kinds of other life-changing situations.
Perhaps I should not be such a cry baby.
Oh, but wait.
This is the Blog that is supposed to be addressing some of the gains and losses, trials and tribulations, frustrations and successes of the amateur author(ess).
There you have it folks.
A little bit on the literary agent waiting game.
Looking forward to hearing from her, whatever the outcome.
Happy reading!
Sincere regards,
Amanda M. Holt
Amateur Authoress, Possible RN-eligible GN, and Sometimes Crybaby
Ending one chapter…or is it a book? A volume in a series?
So………………………………..
…………………………………..I wrap up the theory courses in my Bachelor of Nursing studies this week.
I am experiencing mixed feelings of elation and terror; accomplishment and subtle regret; anticipation and impending doom; progress and stasis — all at once.
The thought of transforming my life, reinventing myself again, starting fresh – starting something new – appeals as it has always appealed (what’s underneath THAT rock? Oh look, little wriggly things).
Only now, the REAL test of character and wit and tenacity begins.
From student nurse to graduate nurse soon to actual nurse: the process as fascinating for me as a catepillar entering chrysalis to become the butterfly.
Here I am, ending one chapter of my life, taking off my layers of student self, stepping into a nurse’s shoes, shoes that I can only hope to grow into and fit properly in the near future.
Here I am, ending one book, perhaps aptly titled “M’s Adventure’s: The College Years” or “The Formal Education of M”…certainly not the first in the series, certainly won’t be the last. Or will it? Fate laughs at the best laid plans.
And all the while, a Community Health Nurse program in the Northwest Territories beckons….but leaving Manitoba’s subzero temperatures for NWT’s Hell-Frozen-Over-And-Literally-Frozen-Over-Like-In-That-Disturbing-Painting-By-Was-It-Dante-Or-That-Other-Guy-? is like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, for those of us humans who do NOT like cold weather or ice or snow-machines (a major form of transportation up there).
Yet I should not grumble – not at all!
Now is a time for celebration! A time of seasons changing and accomplishment and really, is there anything at all wrong with finishing a good book? A book that had twists and turns and intriguing characters, and even the occasional “what if-?” cliffhanger?
“Not at all,” said M with a sigh, her lips curling into a wry grin. “Oh silly, silly girl. You’re talking to yourself again, and in front of God Knows Who this time.”
This summer, I will be devoting a GREAT deal of time to studying for my RN exam, so I humbly apologize: there will be no new fiction published until possibly October 1st/15th/31st — that is IF (a big IF) I am able to find spare time to edit the manuscript I’ve promised Extasy Books, the full-length erotica titled “My Experimental Years”.
Which is nothing less than what all the experts would encourage: in My Experimental Years i very literally wrote what I knew about – being a headstrong young woman in rural Manitoba who was as untameable as a wildfire and as shifting as mercury.
Priorities being what they are, my nursing career comes first, my writing career/hobby second.
I will try to at least post exerpts of my novels on this blog over the summer to give you a taste of what might evolve into something remarkable one day.
Sincere regards,
Amanda M. Holt
p.s. – that old adage, write what you know? Admitting that you don’t really know anything is the first real step to learning (especially about yourself….that’s what I’ve noticed, anyway).
The Novels of Amanda M. Holt 